The day our son picked up the photo of his big brother in heaven for the first time gave me all of the feelings.
At first, I smiled. I smiled because he is becoming curious and he's getting to know his brother's face.
Then I became teary-eyed. I became teary-eyed because it hit me that the photos will be all he will ever see of his brother.
Then I became angry. I became angry because it hit me that he will never have a big brother on earth to grow up with, learn from, get in trouble with, fight with, all of the things siblings do.
Then I smiled again. I smiled again because I know he will know his big brother, he will see and hear about our pregnancy journey, he will know about how much of a fighter his brother was, and will know about his legacy and how he impacts so many lives. He will know big brother is with him, watching over him every day.
It's another chapter that has been opened in the journey of child loss and parenting after loss.
The other chapters haven't closed. This has become an added layer of the journey.