I visited your big brother for your birthday week, it’s not the kind of visit I would have imagined two years ago.
There is a part of me that grieves during your milestones and turning one tomorrow is a big milestone.
You see, I have learned over time that grief and joy CAN co-exist. Celebrating the incredible milestones you make is a time when there is an indescribable joy, but there is a part of me that is grieving.
It doesn’t take away from how proud I am of you.
It doesn’t take away my joy with you during these milestones.
It doesn’t take away the heart-pounding, smiling ear to ear, gushing with love moments I get watching you do something new.
A part of me grieves with these big moments because we will never see your big brother make them and you will never have them with your big brother.
I can smile sitting here talking to your big brother, because I know he’s with you every day. I know you are here with us and we are celebrating these milestones because of him protecting you.
On your birthday, we will miss your big brother being here physically, but I know he will be here smashing that cake with you. 💜