Updated: Feb 18, 2019
It's Monday. I've always loved Monday's - the start of a new week. Today was the day. I'm completely off of the magnesium and the epidural was shut off completely. I can eat something light and get into a chair to sit up. We had an ultrasound done in the morning, everything still looked good.
Later in the morning I started "cramping" in my lower abdomen. I didn't know how else to describe it, but it was a much different feeling than on Friday and those were contractions. The pain was unbelievable. They kept feeling my stomach, I wasn't contracting. Thank God. I was given 100 mg of Fentanyl - it did nothing. Make this pain go away. Dan sat next to me through every "cramp", I held his hand so tight through the pain. They became more frequent and more painful. Dan closely watched the monitors, I wasn't contracting. What was this horrible pain? They linked them to mild contractions and turned the epidural back on. Mild contractions? I can't even imagine what full on contractions felt like. I'm on bedrest again and no food, but the pain has subsided. Dan had to get everyone out of the room. I couldn't have any stress or get upset, every time my heart rate went up, Carter's did. Dan needed to keep us as stable as possible. I used the breathing app and continued to sign to Carter to keep our vitals stable… you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Over and over.
I slowly deteriorated throughout the day and then something felt different so I asked the nurse to check. She didn't seem too worried, but I was. Shift change happened, I asked the new nurse Kayla to check me. I was having increased fluid and another fever spike so she called my doctor who came in immediately to see us. With my symptoms, we were going to have to check to see if I was any more dilated. I watched our doctor's face and knew immediately something wasn't right. I heard her breath heavy, she had tears in her eyes, just like she did on Friday. I was 9cm dilated. Those weren't cramps, they were contractions.
Our doctor held my hand and said I'm sorry, but it's time. There was no more delaying. My heart dropped, I felt sick, I panicked. What was going to happen? I'm not ready to give birth, but I had to give birth to Carter now. We don't have a choice, he's coming whether we want him to or not. I looked at Dan tears in our eyes, this can't be happening.
Chaos hit again. They called in the neonatologist and NICU team, additional nurses and everyone began their controlled chaos to get me and the room ready for labor. I was so overwhelmed with thoughts, emotions and the chaos happening around me.
I began to push… all I could think about was that we needed to hear him cry. If we don't, he may not make it. Carter, I need you to cry. You have to cry. What if he doesn't cry? What if I can't push him out? I'm not supposed to be here right now. I looked over at Dan again, I wanted him next to me so bad but I had so many people around me. I kept pushing for about 25 minutes, it seemed like forever…